A SLEEPLESS NIGHTMARE

A flashback of all the things happened, dawn to dusk, runs right through my mind.

Eyes closed but mind wide awake.

A balmy dramatic music being played in the background.

All my nerves focusing and introspecting-

Things that happened, things that could have happened.

Harsh words I said, polite words I could have said.

Arguments I ran into, arguments I could have avoided.

Things I worked upon, things I could have worked instead.

Time I wasted, time I could have saved.

People I made cry, people I could have made smile.

Consequently my breath turns heavy and I get anxious.

I get up to calm myself, to have a glass of water.

Convince myself not to think,

and sleep, to continue my work in the day ahead.

The moment I lay down, the thought process resumes.

My nerves now give me glimpses of a failed dream -

Dream that I wanted to work upon but didn't.

Dream that I wished to pursue but couldn't.

Dream that I can still live but don't.

“But if I can, maybe I can”

 So now I plan to work upon my dream, complementing the job am engaged in.

I get happy, I get excited and adrenaline rushes through my veins,

to start a new day the way I just planned.

But now I can’t sleep as my excitement is at its epitome,

My breath’s thumping again.

I can’t wait for the sun to come up, I can’t wait for my destiny to change.

Content comes to my face and I can’t wait,

to let the world become a better place.

I am satisfied. Now I am happy to sleep with peace.

But as soon as my eyelids meet,

my brain starts feeding me the fear of downfall and the question of 'what if?' -

‘What if my dream won’t come true?’

‘What if it turns out to be a sinking ship again?’

‘What if I end up being a shitless piece of shit?’

‘What if I end up doing nothing?’

My breath turns heavy and heart starts pounding,

I get up to calm myself, to have a glass of water.

Convince myself not to think and sleep.

Wait……..

Something feels familiar, now that’s absurd.

It's a lot for my brain to digest.

Were my thoughts mere shit?

Enough has happened! Now I’m firm to sleep

Finally my mind's at ease but for how long?....

Oh look!My feet are shining in the light of dawn

And I conclude everything - 
A sleepless nightmare, a worthless insomnia.